[ Her hands recoil as soon as his make contact, like an electric shock has passed between them or a venomous creature has bitten her, and Rey lifts her gaze to meet his eyes in the immediate aftermath of the disproportionate reaction. Not, she realizes, disproportionate to either of them or their circumstances; he will see that, even if her instinct is to assume that no one else would.
It takes her a moment longer to stop her heart from racing from the steep surge of adrenaline that comes with a presumed attack, but she does it as she withdraws from him, remaining crouched there while she waits for him to stop staring and continue the wrapping of his bandage. She averts her gaze first, lowering it in a gesture that she realizes too late reeks of submission. ]
On the ship. [ She shakes her head. ] It wasn't deep.
[ A lie, but not a maliciously made one; dismissive, rather, for the purpose of keeping the focus on the way his own wound would hamper their progress. She'd seen people on Jakku get left out in the desert and stripped by the elements for less, by scavengers who wanted to divvy up the sparse possessions they had. In those days, she'd blamed neither: people did what they had to in order to survive. But she doesn't entertain the thought of leaving Ren here. ]
You can't do that again.
[ She says it firmly, insistently, schooling the emotion out of her voice, even if she can do nothing for the passionate intensity with which she establishes the rule. There is no need to specify what she means for it hangs between them like a tightrope for them each to walk in unsteady paths back towards one another. Worse than his thigh, she can feel the gouged flesh of their bond like a torn ligament, strained and limping as if it had been rent from the bone, and the thought of another pull so jarring as to shred through their sameness makes her stomach churn. Bile rises in her throat, but she ignores it. ]
I know you think you had to, that it was right, but if this is going to work at all, you can't. Killing someone in the heat of battle is one thing, but restraining her and then— [ The words sound like they put a strain on her breath, the very memory of how she'd felt Ji's windpipe crumpling under her own hand winding her. ] I can't be a part of it, and I have to be a part of you. Whether either of us likes it or not.
no subject
It takes her a moment longer to stop her heart from racing from the steep surge of adrenaline that comes with a presumed attack, but she does it as she withdraws from him, remaining crouched there while she waits for him to stop staring and continue the wrapping of his bandage. She averts her gaze first, lowering it in a gesture that she realizes too late reeks of submission. ]
On the ship. [ She shakes her head. ] It wasn't deep.
[ A lie, but not a maliciously made one; dismissive, rather, for the purpose of keeping the focus on the way his own wound would hamper their progress. She'd seen people on Jakku get left out in the desert and stripped by the elements for less, by scavengers who wanted to divvy up the sparse possessions they had. In those days, she'd blamed neither: people did what they had to in order to survive. But she doesn't entertain the thought of leaving Ren here. ]
You can't do that again.
[ She says it firmly, insistently, schooling the emotion out of her voice, even if she can do nothing for the passionate intensity with which she establishes the rule. There is no need to specify what she means for it hangs between them like a tightrope for them each to walk in unsteady paths back towards one another. Worse than his thigh, she can feel the gouged flesh of their bond like a torn ligament, strained and limping as if it had been rent from the bone, and the thought of another pull so jarring as to shred through their sameness makes her stomach churn. Bile rises in her throat, but she ignores it. ]
I know you think you had to, that it was right, but if this is going to work at all, you can't. Killing someone in the heat of battle is one thing, but restraining her and then— [ The words sound like they put a strain on her breath, the very memory of how she'd felt Ji's windpipe crumpling under her own hand winding her. ] I can't be a part of it, and I have to be a part of you. Whether either of us likes it or not.