apparare: (◇ force vision)
b⃫e⃫n⃫ ⃫s⃫o⃫l⃫o⃫ KYLO REN ([personal profile] apparare) wrote 2016-06-15 04:43 pm (UTC)

but money is so nice

( If it's the first time that Rey has heard him maybe admit to making a mistake - and he doesn't count being deserving of punishment as an admission of an error, more like an admission of guilt - it is certainly the first time that Kylo has allowed himself to insinuate as much out loud. He had been mostly alone on the bridge that day, heavily distorted by emergency lighting and relatively removed from the other faces and their respective points of view - never mind that Rey's roar had carried almost as far and as easily as the wookiee's - that what he had felt and the way he had reacted to the single most impermissible thing he had done in a string of impermissible things had been a mostly private affair. Snoke had certainly never took it upon himself to suffer the foolish regrets of a dead boy, let alone a dead man walking, and upon returning to Snoke's seat following Starkiller's destruction, Kylo had been far too focused and far too enraged and admittedly far too embarrassed to waste any time feeling sorry for the terrible thing he had done, how it had weakened and rocked him.

That didn't mean that it wasn't still there, though, waiting to creep back in as soon as he allowed his guard to slip, just the slightest.

Does he regret it? )


The answer is more complicated than a simple yes or no. ( He eventually says after a heavy moment's silence, keeping his voice as tight and neutral as his expression, trained out across the valley below and glancing up only once to the stars overhead. The more time he spends away from the brutality of his training, the wisdom and shadowy guidance of his former master, the less he thinks that he deserves the privilege of regret in the first place. )

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