( His reticence is almost as palpable as her own, regardless of the mentality behind it. Kylo can almost feel her biting her tongue, and were the action not strictly figurative, he probably, quite literally, could, as much as he can sense the distorted location of each and every contusion or sharp point of pain that vibrates through her every time a bone shifts or a muscle bends to accommodate movement. For his part, Kylo keeps preternaturally still, one leg raised in front of him until his knee resembles a tower that he can rest his arm across, the other jutting out in front of him, booted foot listing inelegantly to the left. Concordia is not altogether silent, but it might as well be: a rustling of underbrush here and the sharp call of something in the distance there, every once in a while the mine shaft seeming to breathe a sigh of relieved defeat, loud bangs echoing deep down in the caverns.
He isn't entirely sure whether or not Rey means that he should take his time now, in the moment, or whether he should think on it and get back to her when he has a response that's enough to satisfy her eventually. Every ounce of remorse is tinged with the bitter tang of knowing that at one time he was doing exactly what he felt he needed to do, a mentality that gave him power as well as control, purpose and direction. He can't say that he regrets any of it when an overwhelming majority of it was the direct result of a choice that he made, and regardless of how he feels now, they are still things that he did, in order to prove himself or otherwise. After another series of long moments, he says as much. )
Regret is a tricky concept. You're more than welcome to be sorry for the things that you've done, but that doesn't mean that feeling culpability or remorse undoes them. ( Would he even feel these things had he not been caught, had she not bested him? Kylo likes to operate under the assumption that the world would have gone on spinning the way that it always does, that he and Rey would have continued trading blows until one of them was nothing more than a collection of burn marks, since it's clear to him now that she would never have accepted an offer from him no matter how sweet he made the offer. But he can't be sure. Under the honesty that so often comes with deep, dark nights, he can recognize that the cracks were already starting to show in the veneer long before Han Solo stepped out on that bridge. Kylo just kept covering them up. ) Having regret does not mean that mercy has been earned.
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He isn't entirely sure whether or not Rey means that he should take his time now, in the moment, or whether he should think on it and get back to her when he has a response that's enough to satisfy her eventually. Every ounce of remorse is tinged with the bitter tang of knowing that at one time he was doing exactly what he felt he needed to do, a mentality that gave him power as well as control, purpose and direction. He can't say that he regrets any of it when an overwhelming majority of it was the direct result of a choice that he made, and regardless of how he feels now, they are still things that he did, in order to prove himself or otherwise. After another series of long moments, he says as much. )
Regret is a tricky concept. You're more than welcome to be sorry for the things that you've done, but that doesn't mean that feeling culpability or remorse undoes them. ( Would he even feel these things had he not been caught, had she not bested him? Kylo likes to operate under the assumption that the world would have gone on spinning the way that it always does, that he and Rey would have continued trading blows until one of them was nothing more than a collection of burn marks, since it's clear to him now that she would never have accepted an offer from him no matter how sweet he made the offer. But he can't be sure. Under the honesty that so often comes with deep, dark nights, he can recognize that the cracks were already starting to show in the veneer long before Han Solo stepped out on that bridge. Kylo just kept covering them up. ) Having regret does not mean that mercy has been earned.