( Meditation is a fool's errand, considering all that has happened, and even if he had ever been any good at it unassisted, it's unlikely that he would be able to achieve the needed calm for such a task. Rey's silence, once she does fall into sleep like tumbling down a rough and rocky hill, does nothing to alleviate the strain that weighs not only on his shoulders but in his mind as well, and although it is the first time in days that he has been well and truly alone with his own thoughts - in years - Kylo finds that his mind cannot list toward blank as much as it cannot list toward one concrete thought. He has always lacked focus, and now it is his own fault as much as it isn't that he can't claim one pervasive line of consideration carries more weight or merit than any other.
Ji. Snoke. Aurren. The Force. All of the Resistance and the entirety of the First Order. None of it bears any meaning when it feels like they are the only two people left alive at the end of some line, submerged in silence and struggling through one more night into another day that will likely bring more of the same. Kylo's wounds exist like superficial canker sores that smart and throb when prodded but have no real consequence next to the larger, gaping hole in his mind where the voice of the Supreme Leader once sat as rigidly as he ever had in physical form. Another scar, Kylo supposes, one of many that he is sure to carry with him before this war sees its inevitable end, however muddied that inevitability has become now that Rey has introduced herself as another piece on the board and in a capacity he could not have anticipated.
He is careful not to wander through whatever it is that she dreams of, still entirely too aware of what had transpired in the mines to risk another potential outburst and too tired in his own right to be interested in dealing with another argument with her. Maybe this is how she'll wear him down and drag him home, finally: not through besting him or defeating him but through sheer, stubborn force of will. The lighter it becomes on the horizon, purple velvet changing back to lengthening navy and eventually creamy gold and red - a warning, his father had told him when he was young enough to believe that the weather had any say in fate - the more plausible it seems. It isn't until he feels her come aware that he turns to her, careful to be on his feet before she turns her face to the rising sun. )
no subject
Ji. Snoke. Aurren. The Force. All of the Resistance and the entirety of the First Order. None of it bears any meaning when it feels like they are the only two people left alive at the end of some line, submerged in silence and struggling through one more night into another day that will likely bring more of the same. Kylo's wounds exist like superficial canker sores that smart and throb when prodded but have no real consequence next to the larger, gaping hole in his mind where the voice of the Supreme Leader once sat as rigidly as he ever had in physical form. Another scar, Kylo supposes, one of many that he is sure to carry with him before this war sees its inevitable end, however muddied that inevitability has become now that Rey has introduced herself as another piece on the board and in a capacity he could not have anticipated.
He is careful not to wander through whatever it is that she dreams of, still entirely too aware of what had transpired in the mines to risk another potential outburst and too tired in his own right to be interested in dealing with another argument with her. Maybe this is how she'll wear him down and drag him home, finally: not through besting him or defeating him but through sheer, stubborn force of will. The lighter it becomes on the horizon, purple velvet changing back to lengthening navy and eventually creamy gold and red - a warning, his father had told him when he was young enough to believe that the weather had any say in fate - the more plausible it seems. It isn't until he feels her come aware that he turns to her, careful to be on his feet before she turns her face to the rising sun. )
Rise and shine. We're burning daylight.