( That control is an advantage that he doesn't have, although he gets the distinct impression that it's something that will definitely come up during his tenuous stay on Snoke's base of operations. The whole ship is nervous. It beats like a separate, physical heart. Despite their dedication and loyalty to the Order, the troopers and even the upper-echelon figures aboard the Finalizer always get tense when they're this close to the Supreme Leader's seat, even if they are only making a drop-off, so to speak, depositing Kylo and a few other Knights on the home world so that Kylo can finish what was started. The troopers are the worst of them all, he can feel it, possibly in the wake of FN-2187's desertion, his betrayal, as if they all might be punished for his misdeeds.
He hardly concerns himself with any of it, sticking to his quarters the way he typically does on long journeys, emerging only to see that Hux hasn't ruined something else in an effort to get them all disciplined. The silence he's granted affords him time to recollect following his disasters on Starkiller and Jakku, in dealing with Rey and losing the droid, to reevaluate all of his mistakes and failures so that they do not happen again. He uses the time away from the bridge to gather to him what he might say to the Supreme Leader, what reasons he might give for the choices that he made. Hux had warned him not to let his personal interests interfere with orders, but he had, and he knows that. It's a crime that he will absolutely be punished for, even if he was attempting to kill two birds with one stone without knowing it. Retrieve the map and bring Snoke a girl with more Force-sensitivity than he had ever encountered.
He'd neglected to do both, and now he has her in his head, flitting around like a bird, keeping him awake through the night cycle and peppering him with questions, offering guidance and suggestions in mechanics. He presses his mouth into a thin line, and the door to the cabinet slams. )
My suggestion is that you find a way to make me not here, unless you're interested in what happens as a result. ( She's right, of course. Not in so many ways but in the ones that matter. His interests and Snoke's interests coincide with the First Order's in a nice way, a handshake between the two of them, but more importantly her inclusion in that reality isn't an impossibility. He knows that even as the cabinet's doors settling into the idle hold of their hinges, as the room grows quiet following the slight manifestation of his emotions. He tries to will himself into a calmer focus. It doesn't entirely work. ) You've made it abundantly clear that you aren't interested in accepting my offer to teach you. Including you seems like a moot point.
no subject
He hardly concerns himself with any of it, sticking to his quarters the way he typically does on long journeys, emerging only to see that Hux hasn't ruined something else in an effort to get them all disciplined. The silence he's granted affords him time to recollect following his disasters on Starkiller and Jakku, in dealing with Rey and losing the droid, to reevaluate all of his mistakes and failures so that they do not happen again. He uses the time away from the bridge to gather to him what he might say to the Supreme Leader, what reasons he might give for the choices that he made. Hux had warned him not to let his personal interests interfere with orders, but he had, and he knows that. It's a crime that he will absolutely be punished for, even if he was attempting to kill two birds with one stone without knowing it. Retrieve the map and bring Snoke a girl with more Force-sensitivity than he had ever encountered.
He'd neglected to do both, and now he has her in his head, flitting around like a bird, keeping him awake through the night cycle and peppering him with questions, offering guidance and suggestions in mechanics. He presses his mouth into a thin line, and the door to the cabinet slams. )
My suggestion is that you find a way to make me not here, unless you're interested in what happens as a result. ( She's right, of course. Not in so many ways but in the ones that matter. His interests and Snoke's interests coincide with the First Order's in a nice way, a handshake between the two of them, but more importantly her inclusion in that reality isn't an impossibility. He knows that even as the cabinet's doors settling into the idle hold of their hinges, as the room grows quiet following the slight manifestation of his emotions. He tries to will himself into a calmer focus. It doesn't entirely work. ) You've made it abundantly clear that you aren't interested in accepting my offer to teach you. Including you seems like a moot point.