forcevisions: (i still feel that rush in my veins)
actual shounen hero ([personal profile] forcevisions) wrote in [personal profile] apparare 2016-01-25 05:41 am (UTC)

[ Every effort to center herself comes back to one place, to the black pit of loneliness that she can attribute to him. Years spent mourning when she couldn't properly mourn because no one was dead, spent clutching naive faith that her well-meaning parents would return, spent scavenging. The pure hatred that fuels her rage stems first from grief and loss, never properly confronted, and she tries to sift through the coals to accept and refine her fury to that fine point, a distant ache.

But he looms over her, every bit the part of the haunting specter—a towering, imposing darkness that reinforces every hateful thing she can think of him in this moment.

She hates him. More than anyone else, she has reason to because of what he has stripped her of. All at once, she lets it flood in, angry tears streaming freely down her face in a show of sorrow and frustration. Imagines what would happen if she were to leave him dead on this floor with the bodies of those he'd laid to waste when he destroyed everyone who had tried to help him. In childish outburst, she scowls at him, opting to start in the simplest point of her outrage.
] Don't you dare walk away from me! Away from them!

[ Voices seem to echo in the halls of the one-time temple around them, through the hallowed ground of Luke's unrealized Order, as she stalks towards him. Soft voices, kind and wise, caution her to guard her heart and her thoughts, to separate herself from them rather than allow them to rule them, but dark whispers beg that she give into them.

The unsteadiness of Kylo Ren's voice gives her the impression hears them too, that Snoke and Luke are getting louder in tandem as he relives the panic and confusion of his betrayal.

Black and white. No matter which side she looks to, they all seem so desperate to see the Force in black and white, a dark and a light. Luke and Snoke in direct opposition, stewarding their apprentices to the same while they both suffered the pull of the other, could not reconcile it with what they were learning. Hands in every direction waited to steer them, whisper in their ears, and believe they had the wisdom that the next generation sought.

Instead of relenting to the light, letting Obi Wan's cool calm wash over her, she holds onto that passion, all the anger she feels over what Kylo Ren stole from her, but she holds it apart from herself, using it for fuel, but not allowing it to burn her down with it.
]

You're a coward! You want it to be too late because then you can give up! [ Shouting still, she advances. Instead of turning him towards her this time, she steps around to push herself in his way, an impediment that won't be ignored. ] You won't have to try.

It's easier to shut out the light than it is the darkness because Snoke has helped you believe that you'll never reach it. But you'll never reach the darkness either, not entirely. You'll never feel like you belong in it.

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