( Coming back into himself does not happen gradually but hits all at once. One moment he is trekking through the dense forestry and then beaches where the sand is black and pebbly and hard-packed like dirt and then gives way to the puncture of his boots in Jakku's sand. And then the next his pupils are contracting sharply in the overhead light as he watches Rey's mouth move and then hears Organa's voice superimpose itself over the lilt he's come to expect from the girl across from him.. He's almost tempted to check his fingernails for traces of grit and sand but knows that all he will find there is the dried Corellian mud. His gloves are next to him on the floor, and there are streaks of caked dirt on his knees where his boots have rubbed up against his trousers, and the word, that word - Ben - on the air is heavy in Organa's sandpaper voice as he watches Rey scramble to her feet in front of him.
He is slower to move, slower to unwind himself and rise. Sweat has cooled down the length of his spine and soaked into the flight suit that he wears underneath the armor. It has seeped into the line of his hair at the back of his neck and crowded the high cowl so that it sticks unpleasantly to him when he turns his head to follow Rey's trajectory. His mouth is dry, and the conditioned, lingering anger of hearing his name spoken aloud coils low in his belly like a simmering flame even though it does not ignite. Kylo gets the impression that he'll hear it a great deal whether he wants to or not, despite the fact that Ben Solo really is gone. Organa touches his arm to encourage him to stand, and he feels it all the way down to the bone as he shrugs her off and twists himself out of the pretzel he's made of his legs to stand.
Everyone is staring at him. It isn't a foreign feeling, although he is more familiar with people pointedly avoiding looking at him directly for the most part. Hux makes it a point to maintain eye contact as if it will prove something, and Snoke has never had any scruples regarding direct eye contact with anyone. This is different, though. There is a level of expectation that he is unused to for its purpose alone and his role in that purpose. Divulging information to Rey under the umbrella of their joined minds had been easier than this, but a chasm has opened between them to allow everyone else to fill it, and now he finds himself tense and feeling caged. A prisoner again. )
If you want to stand a chance against retaliation, which will come as soon as the winds die down and make travel possible without being suicidal, then you need to mobilize your forces and find a way off of the planet without drawing too much attention. ( His voice fills the room with a certain amount of derision. Whatever conclusions he came to during their walk, there is still a long way to go out here in reality. ) Your military tactics have not afforded you a great many victories in the past, so I suggest doing something outside of your normal routine. ( He can feel Skywalker circling him like a hawk from the outer ring of the group, but Kylo mostly keeps his attention divided between Rey's face and the General's, equally split between looking her in the eye directly as if challenging her to argue with him and at a point on the wall behind her. ) Decoys, maybe. Some deception.
( Organa asks the questions that they're all probably thinking, and he's not at all surprised to receive it. She doesn't look at him with kindness or any lingering affection the way that he could so easily recall within his own head, no softness around the mouth or eyes the way she had afforded it to him when he was brought to her. Somewhere deep down, in a way that he is not expecting, it stings him. They are enemies, though, and she wants to know, as she voices aloud: Why should we trust you? Kylo answers her faster than even he is expecting. )
The Supreme Leader knows what's happened here. Regardless of what happens in the future, I've betrayed him now. I've betrayed the Order. Lying to you, leading you into a trap by encouraging you to leave the planet before Order forces have time to reassemble and blockade Corellia, it would only bring the logical response to that betrayal down on me sooner. ( Dark eyes catch Skywalker moving forward and hold on him. ) We can benefit each other.
no subject
He is slower to move, slower to unwind himself and rise. Sweat has cooled down the length of his spine and soaked into the flight suit that he wears underneath the armor. It has seeped into the line of his hair at the back of his neck and crowded the high cowl so that it sticks unpleasantly to him when he turns his head to follow Rey's trajectory. His mouth is dry, and the conditioned, lingering anger of hearing his name spoken aloud coils low in his belly like a simmering flame even though it does not ignite. Kylo gets the impression that he'll hear it a great deal whether he wants to or not, despite the fact that Ben Solo really is gone. Organa touches his arm to encourage him to stand, and he feels it all the way down to the bone as he shrugs her off and twists himself out of the pretzel he's made of his legs to stand.
Everyone is staring at him. It isn't a foreign feeling, although he is more familiar with people pointedly avoiding looking at him directly for the most part. Hux makes it a point to maintain eye contact as if it will prove something, and Snoke has never had any scruples regarding direct eye contact with anyone. This is different, though. There is a level of expectation that he is unused to for its purpose alone and his role in that purpose. Divulging information to Rey under the umbrella of their joined minds had been easier than this, but a chasm has opened between them to allow everyone else to fill it, and now he finds himself tense and feeling caged. A prisoner again. )
If you want to stand a chance against retaliation, which will come as soon as the winds die down and make travel possible without being suicidal, then you need to mobilize your forces and find a way off of the planet without drawing too much attention. ( His voice fills the room with a certain amount of derision. Whatever conclusions he came to during their walk, there is still a long way to go out here in reality. ) Your military tactics have not afforded you a great many victories in the past, so I suggest doing something outside of your normal routine. ( He can feel Skywalker circling him like a hawk from the outer ring of the group, but Kylo mostly keeps his attention divided between Rey's face and the General's, equally split between looking her in the eye directly as if challenging her to argue with him and at a point on the wall behind her. ) Decoys, maybe. Some deception.
( Organa asks the questions that they're all probably thinking, and he's not at all surprised to receive it. She doesn't look at him with kindness or any lingering affection the way that he could so easily recall within his own head, no softness around the mouth or eyes the way she had afforded it to him when he was brought to her. Somewhere deep down, in a way that he is not expecting, it stings him. They are enemies, though, and she wants to know, as she voices aloud: Why should we trust you? Kylo answers her faster than even he is expecting. )
The Supreme Leader knows what's happened here. Regardless of what happens in the future, I've betrayed him now. I've betrayed the Order. Lying to you, leading you into a trap by encouraging you to leave the planet before Order forces have time to reassemble and blockade Corellia, it would only bring the logical response to that betrayal down on me sooner. ( Dark eyes catch Skywalker moving forward and hold on him. ) We can benefit each other.