( For a moment, that possibility of being left behind occurs to him in such a way as it never has before. It stretches between them in the seconds that it takes for Rey to come up with something else to say, and he wonders if she's daring him to disagree with her assessment of his character. Kylo realizes that the power to make a decision as to his fate within the next day cycle rests solely on his hands, and he can either turn and ravage the camp the way that, he's sure, the vast majority of the Resistance expects him to, or he can turn tail and run into the Corellian underbrush, return either to his master as Skywalker and Organa were right to consider a possibility or vanish into nothing, a fate that he's well aware they all know does not suit him.
Or. Plan C.
Rey opens her mouth and some sound comes out of it, leveling questions at him that he feels ill-equipped to answer and even less prepared for, despite the fact that these are conversations that he knew were coming, even back on the command shuttle, when he paced the opposite side of the glass like a caged animal. They remain much the same now, separate and apart but still connected, joined. The less people are around to distract him from it, the more keenly Kylo feels it just existing. It eerily and soundly covers the wound that Snoke's presence had left in him when it was torn away like pouring cool water over a burn, and it buzzes with a potential that he had not recognized or felt in conjunction with the Supreme Leader or any of the other Knights who were Force sensitive.
He tries to use it, to suss out her intentions, unable to trust her completely the same way that she finds reason to doubt her faith in him. Despite their ability to look into one another and see what's there beyond the scope of an outsider's reach, Kylo gets the impression that these hesitations will never evaporate between them, that they will just continue to change and evolve until they are old habits, dying hard and noisily in the wake of the choices that they make. For her part - and his - Kylo likes to think that he can see a little of who she is without having to dip both feet and wade into the high tower of her mind to figure it out; he likes to think that the bare, open look of her eyes is authentic. It matches her defense of him and rides high with what he already knows of her: steadfast, true, too brave and stubborn for her own good.
They know one another; it would be imprudent to lie to her when he never has. It would be just as rash to betray her. What that means for him, he doesn't know, and it doesn't matter anyway. )
You and I have serious differences in perspectives on what the Resistance means and what it can achieve. ( Kylo keeps the confrontational qualities of his tone at bay. Not an easy task but with the door to the fuse box hanging by a single hinge, he feels a measure more calm than he had moments prior. He has no response for the lives that he has taken and the people that he has hurt, which she levels against him without slinging mud but that doesn't mean that he can't feel the weight behind the very justified charge against him. It also doesn't mean that he feels remorse for it. Not now. Not yet. ) I think there are more than enough people in your camp that would say I should stay behind bars, who won't exactly be comfortable with the idea of me walking around among them. It might not have been your idea to imprison me in the first place, but all that means is that it won't be you who decides to keep it from happening again. Whatever path I choose or don't choose, it doesn't matter right now. ( He smirks at her. ) Creature in a mask, remember?
( Where will he even go? What will he even do? In the company of the First Order, he commanded a guard; he wasn't assigned to one. It's ludicrous to think that he will be afforded an even slightly similar luxury among the ranks of the Resistance, but he can't adequately picture himself anywhere else either. Whether that's a bid in desperation and self-preservation or an actual inclination and desire, he can't be sure. Not this early in the game. Not this close to the end of all that he knew. It plagues him with doubt, with uncertainty, an island battered by storms that have worn it down over years and decades. Kylo knows better than anyone where that goes, and he knows better than anyone that it will take him nowhere he wants to be right now. As conflicted as he constantly is, he knows that he doesn't want to die. So he casts out a line and takes a step toward her, brushing up against her presences at the very edges even though enough distance remains between them physically to be cordial. He finds a grip there and holds. )
I know I believe that Snoke needs to die. ( His voice stays low. A couple of techs chatter close by, giving them a wide berth but keeping their heads down, eager not to miss anything to gossip about. ) I don't believe that the Resistance can do it on its own merit, just as I don't believe they can take back the ground they've lost with him still at the helm of the Order. I don't believe that I can kill him myself. I don't believe that you or Skywalker can. I don't know if I believe any of us will succeed, but I think I have a better chance straddling the line than being a slave to either side. I can't walk the path that you walk or the one that you want me to walk, but I think it would be unwise to walk away.
no subject
Or. Plan C.
Rey opens her mouth and some sound comes out of it, leveling questions at him that he feels ill-equipped to answer and even less prepared for, despite the fact that these are conversations that he knew were coming, even back on the command shuttle, when he paced the opposite side of the glass like a caged animal. They remain much the same now, separate and apart but still connected, joined. The less people are around to distract him from it, the more keenly Kylo feels it just existing. It eerily and soundly covers the wound that Snoke's presence had left in him when it was torn away like pouring cool water over a burn, and it buzzes with a potential that he had not recognized or felt in conjunction with the Supreme Leader or any of the other Knights who were Force sensitive.
He tries to use it, to suss out her intentions, unable to trust her completely the same way that she finds reason to doubt her faith in him. Despite their ability to look into one another and see what's there beyond the scope of an outsider's reach, Kylo gets the impression that these hesitations will never evaporate between them, that they will just continue to change and evolve until they are old habits, dying hard and noisily in the wake of the choices that they make. For her part - and his - Kylo likes to think that he can see a little of who she is without having to dip both feet and wade into the high tower of her mind to figure it out; he likes to think that the bare, open look of her eyes is authentic. It matches her defense of him and rides high with what he already knows of her: steadfast, true, too brave and stubborn for her own good.
They know one another; it would be imprudent to lie to her when he never has. It would be just as rash to betray her. What that means for him, he doesn't know, and it doesn't matter anyway. )
You and I have serious differences in perspectives on what the Resistance means and what it can achieve. ( Kylo keeps the confrontational qualities of his tone at bay. Not an easy task but with the door to the fuse box hanging by a single hinge, he feels a measure more calm than he had moments prior. He has no response for the lives that he has taken and the people that he has hurt, which she levels against him without slinging mud but that doesn't mean that he can't feel the weight behind the very justified charge against him. It also doesn't mean that he feels remorse for it. Not now. Not yet. ) I think there are more than enough people in your camp that would say I should stay behind bars, who won't exactly be comfortable with the idea of me walking around among them. It might not have been your idea to imprison me in the first place, but all that means is that it won't be you who decides to keep it from happening again. Whatever path I choose or don't choose, it doesn't matter right now. ( He smirks at her. ) Creature in a mask, remember?
( Where will he even go? What will he even do? In the company of the First Order, he commanded a guard; he wasn't assigned to one. It's ludicrous to think that he will be afforded an even slightly similar luxury among the ranks of the Resistance, but he can't adequately picture himself anywhere else either. Whether that's a bid in desperation and self-preservation or an actual inclination and desire, he can't be sure. Not this early in the game. Not this close to the end of all that he knew. It plagues him with doubt, with uncertainty, an island battered by storms that have worn it down over years and decades. Kylo knows better than anyone where that goes, and he knows better than anyone that it will take him nowhere he wants to be right now. As conflicted as he constantly is, he knows that he doesn't want to die. So he casts out a line and takes a step toward her, brushing up against her presences at the very edges even though enough distance remains between them physically to be cordial. He finds a grip there and holds. )
I know I believe that Snoke needs to die. ( His voice stays low. A couple of techs chatter close by, giving them a wide berth but keeping their heads down, eager not to miss anything to gossip about. ) I don't believe that the Resistance can do it on its own merit, just as I don't believe they can take back the ground they've lost with him still at the helm of the Order. I don't believe that I can kill him myself. I don't believe that you or Skywalker can. I don't know if I believe any of us will succeed, but I think I have a better chance straddling the line than being a slave to either side. I can't walk the path that you walk or the one that you want me to walk, but I think it would be unwise to walk away.
( So, plan C. )