[ If she weren't already so keenly aware of it, Kylo's comments would have made it impossible to ignore the bantha on the ship that is his relationship with his family. Every word out of his mouth drips with the way he personally identifies and projects his own experiences onto hers in how he understands them, and though she doesn't begrudge it, she is much more able—particularly at a moment like this—than he is to separate herself from him and how he has lived.
So she isn't ruffled by his quiet insistence and the way it strives to grant her permission to be angry, to hate them, to want to lash out and bear the exhausting grudge of fifteen years of abandonment. But it is a burden that she refuses to carry, that grudge, and Kylo's mere being reminds her all too well how heavy it would be, how it has broken his back and worn down his joints over the years. ]
Not well. I'm usually at the helm, not back here to play. [ She glances over at it, considering the board. She hadn't even turned it on since Finn had done so accidentally when Han first picked them up in his tractor beam: there were so many parts of the ship, still, that didn't feel like hers, and she hardly wanted to go nosing through a dead man's things. Sooner or later, she'd have to accept the inevitability of making herself at home there. ]
no subject
So she isn't ruffled by his quiet insistence and the way it strives to grant her permission to be angry, to hate them, to want to lash out and bear the exhausting grudge of fifteen years of abandonment. But it is a burden that she refuses to carry, that grudge, and Kylo's mere being reminds her all too well how heavy it would be, how it has broken his back and worn down his joints over the years. ]
Not well. I'm usually at the helm, not back here to play. [ She glances over at it, considering the board. She hadn't even turned it on since Finn had done so accidentally when Han first picked them up in his tractor beam: there were so many parts of the ship, still, that didn't feel like hers, and she hardly wanted to go nosing through a dead man's things. Sooner or later, she'd have to accept the inevitability of making herself at home there. ]