( He doesn't get far enough away from that section of the ship fast enough not to hear Rey hollering after him as he makes his way down the twisting corridors to... somewhere. He doesn't know where. But it seems prudent not to be anywhere near her in the immediate future. The thought of seeking Chewbacca out in an effort to take on additional tasks now that his responsibility with the heating unit and coolant systems has been interrupted - false, a voice tells him, sounding suspiciously like one of the other two he'd been forced to listen to either; he left the area of his own volition and even has probable cause in returning, but continues walking (stomping) like a rain cloud further and further away from the hold and the system it houses.
Still, he doesn't seek out Chewbacca, and he definitely doesn't turn back around, and he absolutely doesn't give her the satisfaction in responding to the needling comments that she tosses at his retreating back. He refuses to look at it as a retreat, allowing the black boil of his own frustrated anger gnaw itself into an ulcer in the pit of his stomach. A plague of doubt descends on him now that he doesn't have the benefit of distraction, and while it doesn't lead him down a path to consider betraying the military faction that has housed him for the last two days and not killed him - if it could be labeled betrayal; he isn't exactly loyal - it does dole out some measured concern as to whether or not what he's doing is the right decision, never mind that it's the only one left available.
His steps eventually carry him to the cockpit, which is deserted for once. Out of the viewport, the capital city rises like a glittering gemstone, the light of a new day cycle breaking on the horizon and throwing long shadows over buildings and an urban sprawl that begins its climb toward waking. Even in here, with the door wide open, Kylo thinks that he can hear Rey banging around with unnecessary volume, and when he gives into temptation and casts out for her through the bond, he pulls back like a toddler who's reached too carelessly for a hot stovetop, burned by the radius of her anger, directed both inward and outward, tangled up in justified resentment and fair reasoning. Kylo shuts himself off and curls his hands into fists as his arms come up to fold over his chest, the long gloves dangling from his grip.
It feels sacrilegious to be in here by himself, staring at the chair that his father had sat in so many times over the decades that the seat has a permanent imprint of the man's backside worked into the leather. The controls are dusted with his fingerprints, and the smell that assaults Kylo the moment he draws from a still lake in an effort to control himself enough to notice it matches expertly with the way he can remember Solo smelling when he had pressed his entire being into his chest as a child, a son starved for a father's affection after being away for so long. Weariness catches up with him, dragging him under a riptide of sudden exhaustion, and he pinches the bridge of his nose and rubs furiously at his eyes with the pads of his fingers, until stars burst in the blackness of his vision, chasing away the burn, and he's forced to make a decision: stay and reconcile himself with the past or wander back down to the life support systems and deal with Rey.
He's out of the cockpit before he actively realizes that he's made the decision to vacate, and the closer that he gets, the more he can hear the racket that she's making as she no doubt checks and re-checks that he hasn't made any calculated sabotage attempts to the heating and cooling systems after being left alone for so long with them. What anger had faded briefly in the cockpit flares back to life at an accusation that rightfully has no place manifesting in light of the possibility that it does not actually exist, though it simmers to a lower level of buzzing irritation. Kylo stalks around the corner, the heavy trod of his foot suggesting that he is geared up properly to level her with an expertly dealt and another thing! before drawing up short several paces from the hold where she's working.
It takes him a moment's worth of listening, but eventually he opens his mouth. )
Likewise, scavenger. ( The heat behind it has dissipated, though it does nothing to diminish the value assigned to that singular noun. ) Are you done talking to yourself or would you like me to let you keep going until you've worked out how to have an entire conversation?
no subject
Still, he doesn't seek out Chewbacca, and he definitely doesn't turn back around, and he absolutely doesn't give her the satisfaction in responding to the needling comments that she tosses at his retreating back. He refuses to look at it as a retreat, allowing the black boil of his own frustrated anger gnaw itself into an ulcer in the pit of his stomach. A plague of doubt descends on him now that he doesn't have the benefit of distraction, and while it doesn't lead him down a path to consider betraying the military faction that has housed him for the last two days and not killed him - if it could be labeled betrayal; he isn't exactly loyal - it does dole out some measured concern as to whether or not what he's doing is the right decision, never mind that it's the only one left available.
His steps eventually carry him to the cockpit, which is deserted for once. Out of the viewport, the capital city rises like a glittering gemstone, the light of a new day cycle breaking on the horizon and throwing long shadows over buildings and an urban sprawl that begins its climb toward waking. Even in here, with the door wide open, Kylo thinks that he can hear Rey banging around with unnecessary volume, and when he gives into temptation and casts out for her through the bond, he pulls back like a toddler who's reached too carelessly for a hot stovetop, burned by the radius of her anger, directed both inward and outward, tangled up in justified resentment and fair reasoning. Kylo shuts himself off and curls his hands into fists as his arms come up to fold over his chest, the long gloves dangling from his grip.
It feels sacrilegious to be in here by himself, staring at the chair that his father had sat in so many times over the decades that the seat has a permanent imprint of the man's backside worked into the leather. The controls are dusted with his fingerprints, and the smell that assaults Kylo the moment he draws from a still lake in an effort to control himself enough to notice it matches expertly with the way he can remember Solo smelling when he had pressed his entire being into his chest as a child, a son starved for a father's affection after being away for so long. Weariness catches up with him, dragging him under a riptide of sudden exhaustion, and he pinches the bridge of his nose and rubs furiously at his eyes with the pads of his fingers, until stars burst in the blackness of his vision, chasing away the burn, and he's forced to make a decision: stay and reconcile himself with the past or wander back down to the life support systems and deal with Rey.
He's out of the cockpit before he actively realizes that he's made the decision to vacate, and the closer that he gets, the more he can hear the racket that she's making as she no doubt checks and re-checks that he hasn't made any calculated sabotage attempts to the heating and cooling systems after being left alone for so long with them. What anger had faded briefly in the cockpit flares back to life at an accusation that rightfully has no place manifesting in light of the possibility that it does not actually exist, though it simmers to a lower level of buzzing irritation. Kylo stalks around the corner, the heavy trod of his foot suggesting that he is geared up properly to level her with an expertly dealt and another thing! before drawing up short several paces from the hold where she's working.
It takes him a moment's worth of listening, but eventually he opens his mouth. )
Likewise, scavenger. ( The heat behind it has dissipated, though it does nothing to diminish the value assigned to that singular noun. ) Are you done talking to yourself or would you like me to let you keep going until you've worked out how to have an entire conversation?