[ Trapped by the sting of direct confrontation with the fact that he wasn't trying to kill her, that he's never wanted to, Rey feels cornered into acknowledgment of a point she still won't agree with, and the reluctance grinds her teeth together with the same sawing sound that trembles through the Millennium Falcon's bones, though that's more likely a result of the ship's age than anything she's venting.
He forces her, in this way, to address the unease she meets his confession with. She cannot deflect and claim that he was trying to cut her down, can't declare that he merely wants her to die at another hand regardless of what intelligence he's offered, because he preempted it with a declaration that she still doesn't know what to do with, but nor is she ready to truly examine what that means. The conflict leaves her in an infuriating limbo of inaction, with a ramrod straight back and the stillness of an ancient oak as she weathers the hurricane of threats and warnings that he slings at her. ]
You think in order for me to take this seriously, I have to be afraid. [ A sneering accusation hangs on you, as if digging the knives of her words under his fingernails, calling him a coward in a secondary whisper. He registers everything, she concludes, in stages of fear—the fear of inadequacy and failure, the fear of confronting his past and his crimes, and his fear of retaliation by Snoke.
That last one, she must admit, chills her bones in a way that cannot be dismissed as the recycled air pouring out of a vent onto her, yet even in that threat, it's not a warning she hears but something very near jealousy, as though the attention of the Supreme Leader—even negative—is something that Kylo wishes he had, begrudges her. She would happily let him have it if she believed he could withstand it without being crushed under the weight.
A million voices in her head rally to join Kylo Ren in declaring her training, preparation, and performance inadequate to fact the demon that awaits them in the Unknown Regions, but she rebuffs all of them. Kylo Ren's injuries on Starkiller Base may have been a handicap, but they were one weakened by her inexperience; his goal to capture rather than kill her tempered not by the fact that she had no desire to kill him, for she did—and often—but by the fact that she chose not to try. ]
But fear has never accomplished anything, and I won't be calling on it now.
no subject
He forces her, in this way, to address the unease she meets his confession with. She cannot deflect and claim that he was trying to cut her down, can't declare that he merely wants her to die at another hand regardless of what intelligence he's offered, because he preempted it with a declaration that she still doesn't know what to do with, but nor is she ready to truly examine what that means. The conflict leaves her in an infuriating limbo of inaction, with a ramrod straight back and the stillness of an ancient oak as she weathers the hurricane of threats and warnings that he slings at her. ]
You think in order for me to take this seriously, I have to be afraid. [ A sneering accusation hangs on you, as if digging the knives of her words under his fingernails, calling him a coward in a secondary whisper. He registers everything, she concludes, in stages of fear—the fear of inadequacy and failure, the fear of confronting his past and his crimes, and his fear of retaliation by Snoke.
That last one, she must admit, chills her bones in a way that cannot be dismissed as the recycled air pouring out of a vent onto her, yet even in that threat, it's not a warning she hears but something very near jealousy, as though the attention of the Supreme Leader—even negative—is something that Kylo wishes he had, begrudges her. She would happily let him have it if she believed he could withstand it without being crushed under the weight.
A million voices in her head rally to join Kylo Ren in declaring her training, preparation, and performance inadequate to fact the demon that awaits them in the Unknown Regions, but she rebuffs all of them. Kylo Ren's injuries on Starkiller Base may have been a handicap, but they were one weakened by her inexperience; his goal to capture rather than kill her tempered not by the fact that she had no desire to kill him, for she did—and often—but by the fact that she chose not to try. ]
But fear has never accomplished anything, and I won't be calling on it now.