apparare: (◆ alchaka)
b⃫e⃫n⃫ ⃫s⃫o⃫l⃫o⃫ KYLO REN ([personal profile] apparare) wrote2015-12-27 04:25 pm

i found something in the woods somewhere.





open post.
▬ action
▬ prompts
▬ continuing threads
▬ force shenanigans


forcevisions: (since we met)

[personal profile] forcevisions 2016-05-02 04:54 am (UTC)(link)
[ Even without the bond, Rey would be able to feel the weight of the words in the implicit haunting image of his lonely mindscape, a barren and icy wasteland that afforded few fond memories, all far off, of other people. If Snoke had ever earned an apology out of him, it was a bruising command, not something freely offered, not something rich in conciliatory regret for the resulting pain.

The words press Rey's eyes shut to stave off the threatening trickle of tears—both empathic and personal, a result of the memory of the mine and its effects on her as much as the relief of his honesty and the transferred inner turmoil he feels. She draws a deep breath before looking back up at him, amber eyes glinting with the smoldering fire beside them that scorches the remains of the crime, and she presses her lips tightly together to collect herself while she nods.
]

Try is good. I'll take try. [ A lopsided, grim bastardization of a smile touches on her lips, haunting in its failed efforts to become even a shadow of the expression's intent, but she gives up on it quickly, eyes turning skyward. Each star glitters like the end of a blaster barrel pointed down at them, either light traveling years to reach them from another system, or an incoming shuttle that's eager to carry them, injured and off their prime, out to the Unknown Regions were Snoke awaits. ]

We need to move the body somewhere. [ She points towards the sloping hills of the refinery further south in the crater of the mine, where silt is carried and piled and strained through chemical smelting into refined ore. Even in the dark, the various minerals glint in the light as though winking at them from artificial mountains that roll out of sight and obscure the rim of the crater where the treeline continues. ] Then head further in to set up a camp. If anyone comes looking to finish the job, it will be to our benefit that they find the Falcon empty and the Knights gone; it might even give us enough time to recover before they catch on.

[ Doubtful. But she isn't up to getting them off-planet in her present condition, and Kylo Ren isn't up for another melee bout. Better that they firm up their plan for rest and take another go at it when the sun touches Concordia's forgotten mines. ]
forcevisions: (i think you're my best friend)

[personal profile] forcevisions 2016-05-04 03:54 am (UTC)(link)
[ A scowl answers him—he'd been the one to suggest a warrior's funeral of any kind—but it's less vicious than the looks she had fixed him with previously, and as such, manages to look almost good-natured in comparison despite the way her teeth clench and set like a strill's. The desert left her feral, and every inch of progress she makes in the opposite direction only proves to throw into starker relief how savage she still is.

Any distaste falls away when he pushes forward to the practical, something Rey can easily throw her support behind in full force, and she does so ignoring the gesture he makes to her injuries. She's dragged more weight with worse to account for. In fact, it had never occurred to her that he might aid her efforts; rather, she felt the need to get him on board with the plan, imagining a dozen ways he might combust if she were to simply begin dragging the corpse of his old ally away, but never considered his participation.

She grabs onto his hand and pulls herself to her feet with it, wary to avoid lending too much of her weight to him for she knows not to take his swelling bravado as a sign of what he can actually juggle on that leg.
]

Whatever's left. [ She corrects herself, turning her attention down at the smoldering pile of blackened flesh that has tightened around the bones below. For a brief moment, she misses the loose fabric that she used to wrap around her head as a hood and mask, wishing something could blot out the smell of burning flesh and hair, but the life of a scavenger is far behind her, even if the skills and urges are not too far to be recalled. ] Do what you can to put the flames out.

[ His command of the Force, while perhaps less innately powerful, is better refined, and she imagines that it will make the task simple; meanwhile, she heads for the administrative building with stiff but resolute steps where she lifts the hilt of her lightsaber for a moment. She thinks better of leaving such obvious burn scars in the building, though, and instead sets about prying the hinges loose and rattling the flimsy metal door free. ]
forcevisions: (that i probably shouldn't)

[personal profile] forcevisions 2016-05-05 06:59 am (UTC)(link)
[ It takes the leverage of her full weight, but the door comes off its hinges with a creak and, following it, a shrill sound of metal scraping against itself as she wrenches it free unceremoniously. Rey props it against the building, rubs a sweaty palm across her dirty forehead and is unsurprised to find that neither situation has improved by contact with the other when her hand comes away with dirt stuck to it. The physicality of the task relieves her of the burden of her own mind, allows her to evade the considerations of Kylo Ren's mental state, of her own in the wake of what he'd done and what ripples she'd felt coming from him. ]

I already got ration bars, water, and plenty of bacta. [ The reply comes automatically, and on its heels, a quick reel of considerations as she tries to ensure that she hasn't forgotten something critical in the assumption that she'd taken care of necessity. Only once she's sure of her strategy does she realize the implications of the question in the first place, and she looks up at the metal door in its considerable weight as though she intends to expedite the drag. ] You shouldn't go back to it on your own.

[ Not walking like he is, but he's stubborn and prideful and something about conveying that as she does is sure to set him off in some defensive flourish; Rey seizes the edges of the door and begins to drag it, hauling it with intermittently vibrating scraping noises as it skips along the dusty ground at an angle that elicits protest from her lower back. Anything else wouldn't get her the leverage she needs to move its weight: solid metal, as it turns out, is not light, but it is bulky, and Rey accounted for that well before she offered to take the door.

She waits until she's closer to turn around and leverage the door up to foist it onto her back, adjusting her grip to firmly tug it against the curve of her shoulder blades while she brings it the rest of the way. A few minutes see her back to the makeshift campfire where Aurren rests, and she drops the enormous steel plate with a clatter beside him.
]
forcevisions: (i'd do it all again)

[personal profile] forcevisions 2016-05-06 04:10 am (UTC)(link)
[ The hesitation before she answers speaks to her inexperience, reveals the months of training substituted, in a moment of desperation, in place of years; while Kylo Ren has been studying the Force from birth, no doubt, Rey came to it after she was already a woman who had found a way to survive without it. She balks for a moment, realizes that he doesn't mean it as a scathing insult but rather that it becomes one only through her stiff realization that what he suggests should have been obvious, and finally collects herself. ]

There's no sense in using the Force for something I can do perfectly well for myself.

[ Disparaging and dismissive, she stomps over to where he stands near the ashen remains of the Knight of Ren, bending to help him lift the shell of a man from the dirt—she looks up at Kylo Ren to time it: one, two, three—onto the steel plate of the door. She should have gone looking for another emergency blanket instead of just listening to Kylo's suggestion, but it's too late now; some of the corpse crumbles when they drop it onto the slab of metal. Rey turns away to use the back of her hand to mask her nose and mouth from the dust on principle more than in any sense of squeamishness.

She steps over to where they'd grabbed him from, kicking around the dirt to stir away some of the scorch marks left behind, blackening silt to something charred and identifiable. It's impossible to keep the area from looking disturbed, but she can at least try to mask the scorched impression left behind in the earth.
] Do you use the Force for everything? Summoning blue milk to you in the morning?
forcevisions: (maybe i bit off)

NO WORRIES my life is a blur right now i'm so unreliable omg

[personal profile] forcevisions 2016-05-10 03:48 am (UTC)(link)
I didn't say that. You did.

[ The loose wag of her finger that both deflects the accusation and hurls the implications of it back as if the assumption were some kind of reflection on him is reminiscent in an unsettling way of his dead father. A fast-talking, yet matter-of-fact slip out of a noose, and she dodges past it to grab a spare bit of fibercord to join him in hauling the weight of it.

Luke's training is parceled out in what he is comfortable deliberating to her despite his greatest reservations, despite the spark of anger and the possessive, protective urges within her that too greatly resemble some of Kylo Ren's ambitions. She understands that, objectively. It's hard not to feel some sense of bitterness and struggle when the barricade to her further training is the one to call out its insufficiency. Better to bury all of that and keep her eye on the prize.

Rey doesn't wait for him; she just she yanks at it hard, dragging the not inconsiderable weight a foot or so all her own without any regard for the ghost she'd imitated.
]
forcevisions: (on the film)

just barely./stares into the middle distance. why is the end of the semester so hard

[personal profile] forcevisions 2016-05-12 03:13 am (UTC)(link)
[ It does not serve her to correct him with some defense that she was not trying to make a point but rather leave his mention of her training behind in hauling the door off on her own (she grimaces to realize, then, the weight she pulls and permits herself the struggle of hauling it rather than berating herself for having difficulty); in fact, defensive is precisely what it would seem, and Rey has no interest in senseless, directionless bickering.

Instead, she's silent a moment, grateful for the relief his assistance provides and suddenly far more capable of making great strides—or as great of strides as her short stature will allow, anyway. Rey has never considered herself particularly small—not in a desert filled with Teedo and mechanics—but next to Kylo Ren, she cannot ignore the way she is dwarfed. She tries to shove out of her mind any questions about how her stride length might slow him down, thinks instead how his lesser strength is slowing her down, and grits her teeth accordingly.

Just because they're allies (for now) doesn't mean she has lost her spirited desire to prove herself his better.

The trees envelop them quickly enough for her to stomach his company, and Rey loosens her grip on the fibercord to look around for a good spot to bury the remains and start hiking upward and out of the crater for better vantage. The co-opted sniper rifle hangs heavy around her. She hasn't ruled out the possibility of using it. Privately, she wishes she'd opted for more sessions training in blasters with Finn in between meditation with Luke.
]

Good enough. [ She waves a hand to demand Kylo lower the door. Not because she's spotted any particularly good burial ground, but rather because she knows that there is no way that the squatting pull will do any favors to his injury, even if she is grateful for the aid. ] We can dig here, then hike up that way. [ She points to a cliff face that is made of more rocks than dirt, harder to slide down, and resigns herself to the climb; already, she calculates how she can convince Kylo Ren to clip himself to her lest his leg give out and try to take him back down into the crater with the mine. ] If we camp up there, we're almost guaranteed to get the jump on anyone following.
forcevisions: (overhead of the aqua blue)

finals week is finally here i can see the light

[personal profile] forcevisions 2016-05-17 04:26 am (UTC)(link)
[ The moment his hand is on her, Rey snaps her attention back at him, her gaze cool, sharp, probing, but she never verbally challenges its place on her shoulder: more than anything else, her reaction speaks to the fact that his movement, not his words, are the real surprise. Slowly, the muscles of her shoulders relax, sag, and she steps out from under his touch to crouch around a spot beside the door that she estimates as more loosely packed than the rest. (The decision is arbitrary, but she does not allow that to pass through the membrane of their bond—or so she hopes.)

In the past when Rey's fingers have sprawled through dirt, it was a dry, thin veil that had sifted on top of some monolith of a time long ago—one, apparently, of Jedi. But she's not digging anything up this time; she's burying it. She tries to shovel the soil as if it were sand, but quickly realizes that she has to burrow down first, and makes spades of her hands to dive deep and pull handfuls of dirt up into a rim around the burial plot.

The task is a grim reminder of what the bond between her and Kylo Ren has resigned her to, but Rey does not allow such thoughts to slow her progress, shutting them definitively out and keeping her attention laser focused on the task at hand as she so often endeavors to. There is emotional confusion down that path, feelings that demand some kind of reckoning and realization that she won't give them because they are too alien to the desert rat who lived for so long on her own.

It should be harder than it is to dig Aurren Ren's grave, but all Rey gets from it are familiar callouses worn anew and dirt under her blunt-clipped fingernails blackening them. This is not her first time burying a body, and certainly, those that she'd found wasted away in the Jakku desert, scorched and boiled by the heat, smelled even worse than the burnt mass that rested beside them, which Rey had by now acclimated to, but this is different. She hadn't been responsible for any of those deaths.
] You fought with him once, didn't you? [ She looks up at Kylo Ren as they work. ] Don't you want to say something?
forcevisions: (don't you know that)

i feel like the six days this tag took is enough of a "don't even worry about it"

[personal profile] forcevisions 2016-05-23 06:03 am (UTC)(link)
Right. That makes sense.

[ The words are functional and hollow to the point that it makes it too obvious that Rey has no empathy for what he must be feeling right now, despite her efforts to reach out and understand—in her own right, if not through the bond. Nothing that she experienced on Jakku can be conflated or compared to what constructs the relationship between the Knights of Ren, and she has no measuring tool to examine it in any sensible fashion.

More to the point, she should have no reason to want to, but the fact that she finds it so inscrutable piques her curiosity in a way that she can dismiss as passing interest in the structure and organization itself rather than in the demon that she has inextricably linked herself to—by choice, inasmuch as her circumstances could really be called free will, with the dam holding Leia's grief threatening to shatter, Luke's cautions about surrender to the darkness of her revenge and his unwillingness to assist, and Rey's own uncomfortable and conflicting position resulting from her relationship with Han.

She wipes her forehead and, in doing so, smears dirt against her sweat and allows it to stick there; it has been a long time since she has recalled any feeling but the fine layer of dirt caking her skin.
]

That's probably enough. [ Though she doesn't want to appear too eager to leave the subject behind, lest it keep him from sharing (as if he ever would) any other insights about how things were between the lot of them—not in tactics and facts and evaluations, but in personal matters—she cannot bear the silence of his refusal of her previous effort. Her hands force some more of the dirt away, packing it against the edge of the hole as though trying to form a wall of it. ]
forcevisions: (who quit too late)

it is!!! also why can't civil service suit our schedules like "yes hello i'd like to volunteer"

[personal profile] forcevisions 2016-05-25 03:07 am (UTC)(link)
[ The dirt and grime of their shared labor has drawn out the haunted shadows in her face that make it look starkly different from the bright, full, rounded glow of before, as if separating her experiences here into halves—before murder and after. When he meets her gaze, agate eyes dodge him slightly, fixing on his jawline rather than his eyes, skirting just slightly, barely noticeable, as he gets up to set about his task.

She doesn't stop him from taking it upon himself because it makes her feel somehow less culpable for the fact, as though dumping the remains of the corpse into the hole is different or beyond a line when compared to helping him dig the ditch or ignite the body or drag it here. When he calls, begrudgingly, uncomfortably, for aid, she hesitates—in equal part to avoid the inevitability of losing that attempted distance, and to allow him to linger in the discomfort of the liminal space between request and acceptance. He could use with more discomfort.

Then, rather than answer, she stands and goes to aid him, leveraging the frail and hollow weight, if it can even be called that anymore, of the charred remains with Kylo to place them into the ground. The misshapen black mass is unrecognizable now, hardly humanoid. Rey lifts the door to shake the rest of his ashes into the pit, leaning on the heavy metal to stare down into the makeshift grave.

She looks to Kylo then, wondering briefly when she dropped the Ren, and nods to him, as if some tacit acceptance of their mutual culpability. She drops the door and begins to kick the dirt back in.
]
forcevisions: (as the crooked smiles fade)

8( two weeks of summer work + rey cosplay to make tho. BUT SOON. SO SOON.

[personal profile] forcevisions 2016-05-26 04:11 am (UTC)(link)
[ For an inscrutable moment, Rey stares blankly at him, processing his words only to get hung up on them; his acknowledgment makes it apparent, implicitly, that this is an exception for him, being unfamiliar with the ecosystem of the Mandalore system. Rey had considered it a given that they were both stumbling altogether blindly through this unfamiliar terrain, but she realizes then that unfamiliar has a different meaning for her than it does for Kylo, who has seen enough of the universe to participate in its conquering while she crawled around in the dirt on Jakku. All she knows is deserts and the ache of starvation. What he knows of the galaxy outnumbers what he doesn't.

A dumb nod comes too late, and she abandons the hovel in favor of marching in the direction of the cliff that she had identified. The further they hike into its shadow, the more apparent the truth of Kylo's assessment becomes: towering from afar, it is steeper when they are close enough to see the details, and shielded by small, loose stones on its face to dissuade those who would scale it. A rough climb indeed for an uninjured party, worse for them.
]

Have you ever been here before? [ She asks while they circle the craggy rock face, finding larger and sturdier rocks to the northern edge. ] The system, I mean. Not Concordia specifically.

[ It's an unabashed effort to fill the silence; she does not much care about whether or not he's been to Mandalore before, but she would rather ask about that than expound on her uncertainties about what they're going to face, or offer him the chance to opt out of scaling the cliff in what would be an obvious bid to get out of it herself. ]
forcevisions: (don't you know that)

SO MUCH SLEEP i conned a bunch of people into helping me with the cosplay so i have a prayer

[personal profile] forcevisions 2016-05-29 06:02 am (UTC)(link)
[ It might be the first time he has willingly divulged some information of his childhood—and from his conspicuous silence and discomfort, she guesses it to be one of the few decent memories he retains of it, which perhaps strikes particularly dissonant against the backdrop of his betrayal and murder of the other Knights of Ren. He has come a long way since his first visit to this system, and perhaps begun to turn back on that path.

She does not press her luck in it, well aware of how naked it leaves him.

Talking about herself is easier by contrast, for it means focusing on the part of her life that has changed for the better since encountering BB-8 and Finn on Jakku. Anything reflective that involves more than sand and waiting strikes her as pleasant, even if it means sharing that with someone whom she would rather drown in a sandpit.
]

Ahch-To. That's where the map led. Perhaps sometime you'll go to see it as well. [ For the most part, his defection must feel like doors closed and bridges burned, facd by a wall of disapproval and unease, but Rey makes no presentation in how she offers him the chance to consider the opportunities that are produced. ] Kashyyyk, once.

Hapes was my first time beyond the Mid-Rim.

[ Out of view, in the dark of the forest with her back to him, she scrunches her nose at the thought, realizing that for as broad as her horizons have become, they are still limited by the conflict in the galaxy. The Resistance cannot show her Telos or Centares or Naboo or Coruscant, for they are a long way from such a significant victory to uproot such core pieces of First Order real estate—Imperial real estate, dressed up in new clothes. ]
forcevisions: (sick of being poised)

it's been like 3 solid days of work + cosplay i'm actually dying. tomorrow too, then con

[personal profile] forcevisions 2016-06-01 06:04 am (UTC)(link)
I had to.

[ The answer is simpler than the task by far; learning to shut him out was the first necessity of her training, clearing her mind and controlling the flow of information. She'd figured it out faster than he had—but then, there was every possibility that Snoke didn't want to train him in that and run the risk of Kylo shutting him out as well—the Resistance was able to do less with the information she'd gleaned from Kylo based on sheer numbers alone than the First Order could have done with what she was hiding. It was worth the risk, maybe.

But the result of that imbalance from the start has been its persistence: she has seen far more of his mind now, despite the circumstances of their bond's creation on Starkiller, than he has of hers. She prefers it that way, all truths told, for it gives her some measure of leverage and of distance, both of which she needs in order to be able to manage the responsibility and weight of this mantle she has taken up out of necessity, out of perceived debt to Leia Organa.

Her movements are ceaseless, practiced enough to look tireless and simple, and she picks through trees as the ground becomes steadily rockier closer to the cliff. She steps up close to the cliff, hoists herself up, and makes an effort at the first few feet of the climb. From six feet up, without gazing down at him, she affords the conversation further attention again.
]

That's a broad brush to paint the Hapans with. They were kind enough. [ To her, without knowing her for a Jedi. She doesn't think too hard on it, content to allow her experience to make an effort at disproving Kylo's prejudices. ] What makes you think so poorly of them? [ Her thoughts, though, are on Leia, Luke, Finn, and Chewie, wondering what became of the situation there, wondering if they were all right. She finds herself reaching out, casting a net up into the stars as if to reach for them. ]
forcevisions: (tired of all these cameras flashing)

omg i thought you were studying wtf

[personal profile] forcevisions 2016-06-04 03:28 pm (UTC)(link)
[ The fact that he has complimented her doesn't appropriately process until long after he's finished his entire scowling tirade against the Hapans—well after, in fact, because he distracts her with the unpleasant truth of the scattered Resistance. Any power they had gained, any progress made, any shift in their standing in this war was in jeopardy, a question unanswered in their current position, and though she could use her senses to reach out and try to manifest some answer to placate her worry, it was not the same as actual understanding of the specifics in such a situation. Alive did not mean well, not anymore.

Rey, then, begrudgingly must give merit to the curmudgeon climbing below her and his bias, permitting him his loathing and even harboring simmering sour sentiments. It is pedantry now to point out that he was unkind towards the Hapans well before they had turned the Resistance away.
]

I didn't realize you thought so poorly of enemies of the Resistance. [ And then, finally, after the words have left her mouth, an unspoken follow up as a lock clicking into place, wondering at the fact that he thought so consistently highly of her. Few have, and Rey herself regularly feels like she's merely scrambling to get by in all of this, but Kylo has another perspective on the matter, often revealing a high estimation of her capability and (apparently) her good looks.

She can't decide how she feels about it, so she leaves it behind in the dust of her climb, a few tiny rocks crumbling away from the wall as she disrupts them while grabbing onto larger ones. The higher they go, the more trees intermittently break up the rocky precipice, jutting out between stones in gnarled loops as they stretch ever upward. Rey seizes onto one of them, loops her arm around, and turns to reach down for him, an open hand offered out in acknowledgment of his struggle and her experience. Greater height for her might mean leaving the complications of her thoughts behind, but for him, it's likely to mean the pain in his leg growing and straining.
]

i waS COUNTING ON YOU

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damn das true

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club mix ntz ntz ntz

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