apparare: (◆ alchaka)
b⃫e⃫n⃫ ⃫s⃫o⃫l⃫o⃫ KYLO REN ([personal profile] apparare) wrote2015-12-27 04:25 pm

i found something in the woods somewhere.





open post.
▬ action
▬ prompts
▬ continuing threads
▬ force shenanigans


forcevisions: (overhead of the aqua blue)

[personal profile] forcevisions 2016-01-26 03:26 am (UTC)(link)
[ He crumbles in the way great monuments do, unraveling from the top down until he's nothing but a pile of rubble at her feet, but Rey does not feel better for having toppled him. A biting cold stings her skin where his hands had tightened around her arms. This will always be the way of them, a tide ebbing and flowing—or maybe it's just Kylo Ren's natural current, and she's the one getting swept in how he swells and retreats after he crashes against her shore.

It was no easier for the hidden reminder, for blood still smeared the tile below them, and hatred still ached to be heard. But hurting him will not end the cycle of pain that denied her a family: it will only perpetuate it, and Kylo Ren's death will not give her another chance at a childhood any more than it will resurrect Han Solo.

The bloodlust clawing up her throat, contorting in her chest, wilts into placid acceptance. Her fist opens, and Rey rests her palm on his shoulder. Even in ruins, Kylo Ren is massive, and she finds no physical difficulty in her pacifying efforts; the struggle is all within her.
]

I never claimed it would be simple, just as it would never be simple for you to leave the light behind.

[ She lowers herself slowly, and in her crouch, she is again dwarfed beside him. Though she doubts her voice is the only one he hears now, or perhaps because of it, she urges him with patience drawn from a wellspring that she believed had run dry. ]

You can feel it, can't you?
forcevisions: (it twists my head just a bit)

[personal profile] forcevisions 2016-01-27 01:53 am (UTC)(link)
[ In the steady grip of his voice, she hears the misery yet trickle in like it's filtering over smooth rocks and crashing around within him. Although it may not manifest in desperation to avoid the dark, it is desperation all the same—a thirst to reconcile these conflicting halves of himself and quell their constant battle.

That much, at least, she can sympathize with, and it helps her stay soft in a place where all she wants is to be hard and unforgiving. She feels, and the crack of her voice sounds, genuinely regretful in her disappointing reply.
] I can only show you the way.

[ Close enough now, she searches his face, taking in the pulse of muscle in his cheek as his jaw grinds, the twitch of his mouth as he tries to gnaw through the gristle of his conflict as if he could find a solution by pushing it around. ]

Your darkness isn't mine to banish, but I believe you know what is to come. There is no light or dark, not without the other. You can only have peace once you've accepted both.

[ No one hovered around her through her childhood to flinch at every tantrum and tearful night, dreading it would be the tipping point for the battle waging within, just as no one took her by the hand to guide her into the light. She had to hold the light within herself while searching for clarity in her rage, which was otherwise lacked utility in the wastelands of Jakku. ]

But I don't need to help you embrace the darkness: you've already done that. [ Snoke had seen fit to cultivate in Kylo Ren the understanding that his darkness was as natural to him as breathing, a component of his fully realized self, inextricable from the identity he forged for himself in manhood. ] You need to come to grips with the light that you've tried so hard for so long to snuff out.

You began to run from it so long ago. Can you remember?
forcevisions: (who quit too late)

[personal profile] forcevisions 2016-01-27 04:55 am (UTC)(link)
[ Though her instinct is to hide behind whatever she can to lessen the accountability of her role in his journey, his face is raw and open, and she cannot slip away from the weight of his acknowledgment. In answer, her gaze drops, but it only makes her aware of the small space between them, fixes her attention on the matching cadence of the movements against his wrist and the intonation of his voice.

Her hand reaches out as he finishes to cover his, but his palm moves to the floor just as quickly and she shrinks back, catching herself mid-motion and curling her hand into a fist. Turning her head, she searches the hallways, trying to sift through the silence for cries, but to no avail. The hollow silence presses down on her eardrums, crushing in its emptiness.

A tremulous shake of her head answers him. This time, when she reaches for his hand, she seizes it in a clasp that readies her to pull him onto his feet.
]

Lead the way. [ She hefts the burden of his heart off her shoulders only then, and they loosen as she pulls him to stand, allowing her to stare up at him with fresh eyes. The difference it makes reveals that she had been carrying him on her back since long before they collapsed to that dirt in Corellia. ] Listen to your fear, but don't let it command you. It gives voice to the Dark Side.

[ She will not tell him to shut it out, for she has never shut it out. Only tempered it, turning it to steel for her to wield and wear in her fight against the darkness, against the First Order. ]

What do you hear?
forcevisions: (or between the sheets)

[personal profile] forcevisions 2016-01-28 02:54 am (UTC)(link)
[ Crisp, frozen air greets them, and though it settles across her skin like a thin layer of frost, it burns when it fills her lungs, needling her throat even as she exhales. Starkiller Base was a warm bath next to this. For all the unforgiving wilderness that spread across Jakku, the piercing winter of Ilum was worse, ready to submerge her in the dreary stagnation of sleep and suck her down beneath the ice where she could wait an eternity undisturbed.

Even the light seemed frozen as it filtered down onto the lifeless landscape.

Huddling up, Rey wrapped her arms around herself to stave off the onslaught, hunching her shoulders to try to protect her ears and stepping in to follow closer at Kylo Ren's flank as if she could use him to block the chill before they were entirely surrounded by it. A few quick glances absorbed the new landscape, but her investigation was cut short by a distant rasp that reached out like a gnarled, bony hand for her.

Every hair on her body stood at its end, fear an ice bath even compared to this bitter frost. Wide eyes watered, chapped and pale lips parting as awareness crept up her spine. She had never before heard Snoke's voice, not with her own ears, but she had discerned impressions of him through Kylo Ren's mind and memories, a shadow of a shadow, yet still a colossus in his power. There was no doubt that he was the one to call out to them now.

He's found us. Panic reared its ugly head, and alongside it, survival instinct urged her to cut and run, to forget Kylo Ren, Luke, Leia, all of them in a pragmatic bid for self-preservation and escape Ren's mind; it would not be long now before his fleet searched out their physical bodies as well now that the link was made. But her feet don't budge beneath her.

In all likelihood, it would be easy to rend herself from Kylo Ren's mind, to return to her body, but Snoke had a stranglehold on Han Solo's only son, one that he could as easily manipulate to crush Ren's throat as he has nudged him along. She could not abandon Ren to fight his way out of that fate alone, not when she had been the one so insistent to rouse him to this fight to begin with.

There is no lightsaber to call to her hand, no blaster to raise, no weapon to find in the great span of his mind with which she can fend off the Supreme Leader. Still, she takes that moment to step out from Kylo's shadow and move in front of him, stance wide and chin high, the very picture of the Jedi as the guardian.
]

You aren't welcome here anymore! [ She shouts, though her voice seems to be caught and muffled by the thin, echoing air of the empty wasteland of Ilum, as useful as shouting into the void of space. Looking over her shoulder at Kylo, she seems to think twice of being the one to make the declaration, searching him for affirmation as she asks point blank, ] I trust you've had enough of voices in your head, on either side.
forcevisions: (that you couldn't see it coming)

[personal profile] forcevisions 2016-01-28 11:13 pm (UTC)(link)
[ The deep hiss of Snoke’s voice rattles through the landscape, threatening to throw Rey off balance, but she shifts the distribution of her weight as it teeters beneath her, keeping her footing on uneven ground as a crack runs through the ice beneath them. It turns to laughter, a wheezing rattle that even in its superficial frailty mocks her and makes her feel infinitely small beside the power of the Supreme Leader.

The tremble echoes into the physical world, the camp, Leia, Luke, and all of it too ignorant to see what’s coming for them. Defenseless. The inevitable second prong of Snoke’s attack creates an impossible gambit; one of them will be without Rey’s protection, either Kylo Ren, or the entirety of the Resistance, and she must choose which can better handle the onslaught to juggle against which would ultimately be more valuable in the war to come.

Even as she accepts that she must stay and see through what she committed to, accepts that she must entrust Leia and Luke with the defense of the Resistance and believe that they can raise their banners quickly enough to make a stand against whatever back-up finds its way to Corellia, Rey feels guilt sink deep into her bones for what she knows could deliver a devastating blow to the small remaining hope for the galaxy.

Her preemptive grief opens the door to darkness, not her hate, but she clamps down on it the moment she hears the patronizing hiss coaxing her to give in and allow it to rule her. But Snoke’s offer is even less tempting than Kylo Ren’s, lacking the appeal to her ignorance and inexperience, the lure of untapped knowledge. Snoke has nothing that she wants.
]

I don’t need it. [ She growls the words against the whisper, whipping around as if blown about by the shifting landscape to search out some manifestation of his presence to no avail. He is nowhere and everywhere, an all-present shadow looming over Ilum and enveloping them in its inky black.

The surrounding wasteland only stops spinning when Kylo Ren’s hand settles on her arm, an anchor that he uses to pull her into position behind him, as if in a petty battle of who has greater need to be defended. Looking up at him, confusion furrows her brow, and instead of indignation over the way he impedes Snoke’s path to her, Rey finds herself too startled by the surreal chain of events that is Kylo Ren bodily defending her at all.

It takes her a moment to shake the shock of it off, a brief cut of her head from one side to the other metaphysically extricating her from such a state.
]

You’re the one with the power here. Not him. [ Not that he apparently needs the reminder, a fact for which Rey finds herself both stunned and grateful. ] Get rid of him.
forcevisions: (i always fall)

[personal profile] forcevisions 2016-01-29 02:03 am (UTC)(link)
[ Pain, real enough by the feel of it, howls through the bones of her arm, chasing from her forearm through her wrist, his fingers seeming to depress muscle as they squeeze. It chokes her out of the lilt of Snoke's voice, leaves her blinking hard and gasping through the strange heat it brings that chases away the cold around his grip, radiating upward.

But she doesn't draw back, sees the tension in his joints, feels that his hold on her is as much to keep himself standing as to keep her close, a desperate grab for control and certainty in a sea of chaos as he pushes away from the shores of the First Order.

She hears his refusal, then nothing but ringing. Around them, ice turns to powder and sprays, a geyser bursting from the cracks in the ground, showering them in frost and thick chunks of combusted ice showering like volcanic rock.

Rey throws her free arm over Kylo Ren's shoulders, pushing him to the ground in a vain effort to hurl her body across his to protect him from the collapse. Panic and dread press her eyelids shut, holding her tense there while the world comes apart in a flurry, black stone blending with clumps of frozen wasteland to swirl around them in a destructive whirlwind.

Seconds stretch into hours, with no idea how long she holds there, the crumbling landscape never properly thrashing them in any true threat, but her muscles remain tight and sprawled over Ren until the din dies down, the roar retreating into a comforting silence.

For a few moments, she refuses to accept the shift, but the warmth of a sun beats on her back, stirring melt in the ice that rained down over her, and only that familiarity convinces her that it's not some kind of deception. Slowly, Rey lifts her head, hands still pushing Kylo Ren to the ground, barely even covering his size with even the greatest effort.

Sunlight winks at them through rustling branches over the forests of Yavin IV. She can smell the familiar burn of engines, oil and grease and fuel, sticky on the perfumed forest air. Withdrawing the rest of the way, disentangling herself from him, she raises to her feet, treading in a short series of cautious steps across the forest floor as she looks up. Uncertainty colors the brief flicker of a smile that strikes next, but she dare not be the one to give voice to the victory, however small on the galactic scale.

The wonder of the forest doesn't hold her attention for long, and her eyes trace back over to her one-time enemy, now something else, a few steps away. She searches him with some form of empathy mingled with affirmation; in the same instant she came to finally understand the pressure of Snoke's insistence over the ages, she watched him push it back, stand firm against it. Instead of offering him words that would fail to measure against the weight of the steps he takes here, Rey waits to hold his gaze and incline her head, a steady nod.
]
forcevisions: (i don't want no scrub)

[personal profile] forcevisions 2016-01-29 04:45 am (UTC)(link)
[ Small hands wipe slush off her half-bared arms while she sizes him up out of the corner of her eyes, turning half away to offer him some dignity as he hacks over the grass. Huffing out a breath, she allows sarcasm to drip into her voice. ]

Don't hurry to thank me. I was only trying to save your life. [ Despite her sour tone, the scowl fades quickly as she studies him with concern where he leans over to lose his guts over the toll the task took on him. She doesn't want to crowd him, but there's really no certainty that it was permanent without Kylo Ren being the one to offer it, and he hasn't still.

Casting aside courtesy for his dignity, she strides up beside him. Not so long ago, their positions were reversed, the Force overwhelming her and leaving her staggered and heaving. He had mocked her. Rey keeps a safe distance between them, keenly aware that they've had enough contact for one day.

Instead of reaching for him, she pulls up the bands of her arm wraps, examining the red welts left in her forearm with the cursory inspection of a woman too experienced with minor injuries to give much thought to it. The assessment is over quickly, and only then does she confront him.
] Is this for now, or for good?

[ It doesn't occur to her that he might be equally clueless, that they're hand-in-hand staggering blindly into the dim light of some muddy middle gray area that neither of them has explored or understood, one that has not historically proven effective for any Jedi or Sith to walk, to the understanding of those who still live. Eventually, the scales always tip. Eventually. She's too used to thinking of Kylo Ren as the one who seems to have all the answers that he may or may not choose to impart about the Force, regardless of the bias carried in those answers. ]
forcevisions: (don't you know that)

[personal profile] forcevisions 2016-01-30 12:35 am (UTC)(link)
[ Thawing limbs prickle against the warmth that steadily sinks deeper into her skin, rippling steadily in a way that briefly causes the persisting chill to ache in her joints. The last of it fades while he pushes to his feet, and she searches his face for some sense of how he feels in the wake of it.

Tired, she decides. Mostly tired. But maybe that's her. The bleed might never stop muddying the waters between their hearts and minds, but she doesn't have the wherewithal to fuss about the possibilities there in this moment. If anything, it's an absent, fleeting thought.

The intonation of apology, on the other hand, really grabs her attention. Her eyes briefly stretch wider, but she tempers the reaction as if she knows in the wake of his sarcastic gratitude (really, why did he keep doing that with his face? Was he in actual pain, thanking her?) that the act of apologizing makes him akin to a frightened animal, ready to retreat at a moment's notice.

For a moment, she's sure he has insulted her in the same breath, saying she wasn't strong enough, but she recalls the hoarse wind of Snoke's influence and the quite palpable sensation of his darkness crashing in around her, crushing her. And that was only a glimpse of what Kylo Ren had suffered for years before he'd relented. Not an insult, then, but a confession of sorts. He'd endeavored to shelter her from that, whether she needed it or not, and it was still impossible for her to imagine anyone's first instinct to be to help her.
]

I wasn't sure if I could either. [ Her dignity grants him a pass despite itself, one quick shake of her head dismissing it. She lowers her arm, quick to dismiss the injury as nothing now that he's at full height. ] But I'll find out sooner or later.

[ Unfortunately, there is no believing that this was their last encounter with Snoke. The first of many, in all likelihood, both internal and external. For all the limitations faced by the Dark Side, it certainly hasn't done anything to temper his reach. ]

We need to warn your mother. If he can find us here, he's likely already sent soldiers to find the rest of the Resistance as well.
forcevisions: (who quit too late)

[personal profile] forcevisions 2016-01-31 01:15 am (UTC)(link)
[ Conflict burns in his eyes, the kind that Rey reads with familiar understanding not because of her ability to tap into his mind, but because she's felt it firsthand. The pull to a calling that feels forced onto her and the wandering uncertainty that she is prepared to accept it, that she even wants to. Then, she had been dragged in by force, and seeing what the fight had done to Han and Finn made her decision for her, but Kylo Ren has no such investments. If anything, Leia and Luke would be just as likely to put him off the Resistance's efforts.

But that's not the question he's asking her, at least not out loud, where he should go when they do return. Dropping her gaze briefly, she accepts the simplicity of his request and turns to glance back the way they had come, where the would-be Jedi school had been replaced with endless stretches of forest.
]

We can't go back. [ There's no place to return to, no journey to retread the ground they walked before the encounter with Snoke had thrust the landscape out of the sinking dark. Only forward. ] Whatever way we find, when we do get out, everything will be different.

[ Not because the physical landscape will have changed, not because of any overt differences, but because Kylo Ren has. Because in experiencing and understanding how the darkness took its hold in him, so too has Rey. If balance is ultimately the goal, and based on Luke's teachings, she has concluded that it is—even if not by his definition—then she must accept that balancing those scales of the Force also means seeing through this complementary connection she has with Kylo Ren; every time the scales tip for one of them, the other experiences a mirror. ]

What is it about this place that calms you? Focus on that, re-center yourself, and the path will reveal itself. [ She hopes. ]
forcevisions: (who quit too late)

[personal profile] forcevisions 2016-01-31 10:12 pm (UTC)(link)
[ Quiet.

Rey shuts her eyes and listens to the breathing of the forest while he reflects, focusing on that word. The forest has never felt quiet to Rey, not compared to Jakku; she grew up understanding quiet, looking to it as a friend and constant companion, the only sounds were those that she made and the unpredictable, inconsistent dust storms that buffeted the hollow shell of her shelter (for it was only ever shelter, never a home).

But here, where it's green, and the planet is alive with sounds, she cannot imagine calling it quiet. The trees rustle together. The soil sighs and crunches with branches and leaves under her feet. Small animals—birds, insects, rodents—all scurry in the brush where comfort and food can be found, and none of it is quiet. But it is peaceful, which Rey thinks is a much better alternative.

His hand on her elbow opens her eyes, and she follows his guidance without complaint through the winding path, quiet in her hike and never letting her breath turn uneven or hitched until she sees the first sloping pile of sand stretching out before their eyes.

She wonders if it's a sign that he wishes he could go back, or if it's simply what Jakku has always been—a liminal space. People coming and going, traders and scavengers. Full of waiting and transitioning and not much else. Sometimes, she thinks she hates this place, that she'd be glad to never go there again now that she's freed herself of its weight, but she keeps coming back, one way or the other.
]

Wake up, Ren. [ Rey's mouth moves around the words, but when they are repeated, it seems like they're poorly subtitled over her lips. ] Ben, it's time to wake up.

[ Leia's voice. Not Rey's.

Rey's eyes open and Luke stands back as Leia stirs them, the valley between her and Kylo Ren in that tiny room suddenly enormous compared to the closeness they'd had throughout the journey in his mind, her mind, their minds. She unfolds her legs quickly and pushes to her feet. They do not have time for reflection.
]

Snoke knows. But Kylo Ren believes we have time on our side. [ She turns to him, waits for him to be the one to offer that guidance, to make the choice to help not just Rey, but the Resistance. ]
forcevisions: (all those people)

[personal profile] forcevisions 2016-02-01 07:29 am (UTC)(link)
[ As he watches Skywalker—no, Luke slowly pace in consideration of what he hears, Rey can feel Kylo Ren hunker down behind the defenses of apathy and disconnect himself from the physical reality, cooling off to the whole notion of helping the Resistance. The realization leaves her with an aching emptiness in her chest, worsened by Leia's abrupt if understandable question; had Rey not been in his mind, she would wonder the same. A part of her still does wonder, even knowing what she does.

It makes sense, then, when Kylo Ren couches it as merely transactional, tactical aid for protection, his own self preservation reasoning his way onto their side for the time being, but Rey steps up beside him all the same, one hand briefly touching his elbow as if to make an offer of guidance on her own part now.
]

I believe him. [ She interjects with heartfelt naiveté, and the faith thick in her voice sings like a distant cousin of trust. ] Snoke was there; I saw him. Which means he's seen us. You only have a short time to act on the intelligence we've been able to gather and anticipate the blockade. Because a blockade will come—it is only a matter of when.

[ For the most part, Luke sequesters himself from the discussion, listening rather than weighing in. This is General Organa's place, at the helm of an army; Luke is of a different breed, not born or bred for the tides of war. Rey knows because she is the same.

But with Rey's opinion registered, he joins in, stopping his tracks and facing down both fledgling Force-users to ask, And for your part? Will you join us in evacuating, or remain to face the wrath of the leader you betrayed?

A scoff was out of Rey's mouth before she could help it. Registering it, she flushed with brief apology, but never let 'sorry' move past her lips, knowing it would be disingenuous.
]

You can't be serious.

[ Leia offers a strained look of sympathy to Rey, one that claims to understand her position all too well, though Rey isn't convinced of it. Instead of agreeing with her indignation, she chides, We need to be sure. Even if we assume the bond is severed … ]

You think Snoke will use him as a spy?
forcevisions: (i don't want none of your time)

[personal profile] forcevisions 2016-02-01 09:22 pm (UTC)(link)
[ Rey looks up at him, falling silent as his snapped words fill the heavy air between the mismatched group of sinners and lost dogs searching for a way home. She can’t help but wonder if he’s among them, regardless of his outward resistance, if he’s really looking for a way home too. The pine smell of Yavin IV fills her head like cotton and ice, clouding it from judgment and perception, so much so that she misses Leia’s tired sigh, the one that says that they don’t have a choice but to trust the intelligence they’ve been given.

He must, she decides. It must be that desire that led him to allow their experiment in the first place, and he must be relieved that it worked. Regardless of whatever other emotions cloud and conflict the reaction.
]

Doubt and paranoia are the weapons of the Dark Side, Master. [ Her soft appeal comes after they all take a handful of quiet moments to process and weigh Ren’s claims. ] They might plague us, but we can’t court them or they’ll take root.

[ That lesson, she learned well in the tar pits of Kylo Ren’s mind, if not from the lecturing of her teacher. Were the circumstances less dire, she might be able to find humor in the notion that he had been the one to instruct her in the ways of the Force after all, in a roundabout sense. ]

If we ignore his warning, the First Order could see that we never leave this planet. The Resistance could die here.

[ Her appeal smoothes the rough edges of Kylo Ren’s pragmatism into an unfortunate truth that they all need to swallow if they are to survive. Leia raises a hand from her hip to stay her insistence, processing the heavy weight, then waves it to dismiss them and paces to the wall where she folds her arms and waits for Luke to join her in quiet discussion. Luke’s voice is tense as he thanks Rey, a deliberate omission of his nephew’s part given the way he then holds Kylo Ren’s hard stare with something muddled with sore guilt. Like Leia, he turns away in kind and joins her in whispering.

Turning to her counterpart, Rey nods for him to move with her for the exit.
]

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truly a credible source

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waves an american flag

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scholar goals

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academic applause

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*~*~higher education*~*~

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They barely need me ok

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Sameeeee

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